http://www.raisingthemright.org/interviews/ en Amanda van Scoyoc Copyright 2008 2008-12-31T22:46:02+00:00 http://www.raisingthemright.org/interviews/xiomara-la-paz/ http://www.raisingthemright.org/interviews/xiomara-la-paz/ Xiomara La Paz, seventeen, with her son Edwin. Xiomara My name is Xiomara Lisette La Paz. I’m 17 years old and Edwin Alexander La Paz, he’s 18 months. Amanda When you first found out that you were pregnant do you remember how you felt? Xiomara Yes, my mom told me that she never want a grandson, so I felt so bad. So the first person that I told that I was pregnant was my aunt Rosa. She said, don’t tell her. I feel so sad. Amanda How long did you wait to actually tell your mom? Xiomara I was like three months I think that’s when she knew. Amanda And how did she react when you told her? Xiomara First she cried and then she was like, “Get out of my house.” So she was mad too. She was mad with my boyfriend and mad at my aunt because she was the first person who knows that I was pregnant. And then she changed. Then like she was happy. She was telling everybody that she was going to have a grandson. Amanda Do you remember what it was like being pregnant in school with your friends? Xiomara It was like easy, easy for me. But now, it’s really hard. I think because I didn’t have no baby. I went to the mall so that’s all. Being a young mom is really hard. It’s really hard. Maybe because you don’t know about life. Or you are starting to know about life. You think it’ll be really easy but it’s not. Amanda Do you want to talk about his dad? It’s up to you. Ok, so what happened when you told him you were pregnant? Xiomara He didn’t say nothing. He was like this (just stares) like no words. Amanda Does he have a good relationship with Edwin? Xiomara Yeah. Not with me, but with Edwin. I don’t know. We don’t have no relationship cause he’s in gang and he stays more with his friends than me. He work at five am to sometimes like ten pm. Amanda Are you involved in gang activities at all? Xiomara No. I have friends that they are in the gang but not me. Lot of friends, and I say why you guys do that, that’s stupid but they say “oh to have fun.” You know they tell me that too. Amanda What have been the most fun and the most difficult parts of being a mom? Xiomara The most difficult parts were when he was a newborn. Amanda And what have been the most fun parts? Xiomara Right now. Right now because I can play with him. He walks and he’s almost two. Amanda Where do you see yourself in five years? Xiomara I’m planning to go to college I think. If I apply. Amanda Where did you grow up. Xiomara El Salvador until I was nine or ten. I didn’t know no English. Amanda Was your childhood different then Edwin’s? Xiomara It’s really different. I don’t know, because like you know when you do a bad thing they hit you. I don’t know. They punish a lot in El Salvador. Amanda And how about with Edwin, do you punish him? Xiomara No, I can’t say never cause we don’t know but maybe time out. Right now he’s too young. But I’m not going to do that to him like they do that to me so. Amanda Is there anything else you want to say about being a young mom? Xiomara Being a young mom is really hard. It’s really hard. Maybe because you don’t know about life. Or you are starting to know about life. You think it’ll be really easy but it’s not. 2008-12-31T22:46:02+00:00 http://www.raisingthemright.org/interviews/meliisa-nieves-rivera/ http://www.raisingthemright.org/interviews/meliisa-nieves-rivera/ Melissa Nieves Rivera, twenty, with her daughter Grace.Melissa My name is Melissa. I’m 20 years old. I have a daughter. Her name is Grace and she’s 3 months and a week. Amanda What was that moment like when you found out that you were pregnant? Melissa I was in Puerto Rico in my house. I took the pregnancy test. I was scared and shocked and I couldn’t believe it. I was kindof happy but scared at the same time. I was mad because I’m the type of person who likes to party all the time. And then I was like, “Wow a baby! Now I’m going to be stuck in the house. I can’t go out.” But then I was like,  “Maybe it will settle me down. I’ll get out of trouble and just be there for my baby.” Amanda So did you tell your baby daddy? Melissa I had broken up with him and I hadn’t heard from him for two weeks. When I finally went to go tell him they told me he was locked up in jail. So no, I didn’t get to tell him. Amanda Do you want to talk at all about what your relationship was like before you got pregnant? Melissa Well, I met him at a party. We were getting to know each other for like six months then we started to get serious for like six months. We were basically together for a year and a half and then I got pregnant and he got locked up. He was an… I can’t swear right? Amanda You can swear. It’s fine. Melissa He was an asshole. He used to hit me all the time and go out and cheat on me all the time. He was an asshole, that’s it. I’m going to raise her right. I don’t want her to turn out like me. I want her to be a better person. Amanda Did you ever have a good relationship with him? Melissa When we first started off, when we were first dating, but then when we got serious it just started to suck. Amanda Do you ever want him to know about your child Grace, or is that something you don’t want him to be a part of? Melissa Well I do because it’s not her fault. I want her to know her real Dad and I want him to know that he has a daughter because it’s his first child and maybe if he knows that he has a child then he’ll change. But then again I don’t. Because of him I had a lot of problems out there. Amanda Did you feel really young to be pregnant? Melissa Yeah, I felt I was very young, very young. And I still think I’m very young to be a mother. Sometimes I don’t believe it. I look at my daughter and I tell myself, am I really your mom? But, I’m a mom and I love it. Amanda How has it been so far with a newborn? Melissa In the beginning I basically didn’t know how to deal with a baby and I would get frustrated and my mom helped me. But then after that it got easier for me. Sometimes I get frustrated and I start to yell at the baby but then I start to cry like, “What am I doing? She’s only a baby. She doesn’t know.” And it’s hard. I understand her now, when she’s hungry, when she needs her diaper changed. So it’s got easier and I’m doing it on my own. Amanda Can you talk about where you’ve been living? Melissa Well I came over here when I was six months pregnant. I first moved to Everett with my mom’s best friend, but I had to get out of there because she’s into drugs. Then after that I moved in with my boyfriend and it was a problem too because he had bed bugs so I was always getting bitten. Then after that I moved in with my step mother but then her mother was always whining ,“Oh when is she leaving? Oh the baby cries too much.” So then I moved in with my mom’s other friend and I don’t believe in witch craft or whatever but she sold herself to the devil. When I moved in with her I already had the baby. My daughter sometimes she would be sleeping and sometimes all of a sudden she would wake up and she was scared for me to touch her and she would start screaming. Any time the lady came near my daughter she would freak out, so I took my daughter to some place and they told me that that lady had done a job on her. So they made a little bracelet for her and I put it on her and they told me that I needed to get out of the house. After that I moved in with Roxannie. After that I moved in with her mother and I’m moving to Puerto Rico June 2nd. Amanda Has it been hard to deal with all the transitions? Melissa Yeah, it’s been hard because I want a stable place for me and my daughter. But I have no other choice. Amanda So what is your daily schedule like now? Melissa I get up around 5 in the morning when my daughter gets up. When she wakes up I feed her, I change her. I give her a bath and dress her. And I just watch TV with her all day. She loves the TV. She sees it and she just stares at it. And I’m always home now. I’m here. Amanda Do you think that’s she’s changed you? Melissa My daughter? Yeah, she has because before I was into drugs and I was always partying and fighting and stealing. And now that I have her I think twice about doing things and I’m not into drugs no more. I haven’t gotten into any fights. I don’t go out. I settled down. I got to think about her. Amanda Can you talk about what your family was like when you grew up and if you are raising your child any differently then how you were raised. Melissa Well my childhood. It was good until I turned 14. Then I started to do drugs, sex, disrespecting my mother a lot, going out and not coming back for like two or three days. Going to jail. I went to jail plenty of times. Amanda So how do you think Graces life is going to be different? Melissa I’m going to raise her right. My mom, she let me do whatever I wanted and that’s why I turned out the way I was cause I’m not like that no more. But I’m going to be strict with my daughter. Not strict to the extreme. But I’m going to raise her right. I don’t want her to turn out like me. I want her to be a better person. 2008-12-31T20:45:30+00:00 http://www.raisingthemright.org/interviews/emily-menjares/ http://www.raisingthemright.org/interviews/emily-menjares/ Emily Menjares, twenty-two, with her boyfriend Esli and her sons Ethan and Evan. Emily My name is Emily Menjares I am 20 years old. My kids are Ethan and Evan and they are 4 months old now. Amanda Can you tell me the moment that you realized that you were pregnant? Emily I took the test and it came out positive and I called my sister up and told her and she told me to get checked in the hospital. I told her no cause it was just an air bubble, that I didn’t pee on the thing right. The doctor told me I wouldn’t be able to have kids. So, it was a shocker. There have been other times that I had sex without a condom and never got pregnant and this time I did. Amanda What was it like telling the baby daddy. Emily Well, he was at work, and I told him we need to talk about something and he said “What.” And I told him, “We’ll talk later.” And he said, “No, let me know now.” So I texted him and I told him that I took the test and it said that I was pregnant and he said “Do you have anything else to do instead of bothering me at work.” I was like, “It’s not a joke. It’s true. I’m pregnant.” He was just shocked. We both didn’t know what to do. Amanda Were you really worried about being pregnant with Esli because you hadn’t known him that long? (They had only been dating for a month) Emily Yes, I was really like, “Oh my God, what did I do.”  Like what if we don’t work out and he leaves me. I’m going to be stuck with two babies. They are going to be crying and screaming, and I’m never going to be able to sleep. I was having second thoughts like, “Oh my God, should I keep or should I abort.” But I don’t like abortions anyway. I forget to eat sometimes. Like I’ll come to work and be like, “Shoot, I forgot to eat.” And my boss will just look at me like, “How do you forget to eat?” But I’m just trying to get them ready and get to work on time. They’re cute. They’re adorable, but they are a handful. Amanda Can you describe your children today and your schedule. Emily They are 4 months old right now. They are perfectly healthy. Nothing is wrong. During the work days I wake up around 8, feed them at 9, try to get them ready, get myself ready so I can be here (at work) by 2. I have to drop them off at their Grandma’s house or their aunts house, then after work I have to go pick them up and be with them again. Amanda How did your relationship with Esli change during the pregnancy and after the birth? Emily We were just starting to get to know each other, and I still think that I’m starting to learn new things about him. Like, I think we’re just trying to get along because we have two babies. In my head, I’ve always said that I’ll do whatever to stay with the father because I never had a father. We had our troubles, our rocky roads. I think we’re still learning from each other. It’s not perfect yet. Amanda What have been the most fun and difficult parts so far? Emily The most fun part has been seeing them grow from this tiny little doll shape thing to this so big and chunky and rolls everywhere. And the hard part is just like when Esli is working and I’m not. I’m with them all day and they are still babies, they are still cranky and I still don’t know what they want. So I’ll get nervous, mad, or whatever, cause I don’t know what they want. But I love it. I don’t care. Even if it’s hard, I love it. They are my babies. Punks, but babies. Amanda Is there anything else you want to say about being a young mom? Emily Please wait to have kids if not you’ll end up with twins and then you will be going crazy everyday. Like I forget to eat sometimes. Like I’ll come to work and be like, “Shoot, I forgot to eat.” And my boss will just look at me like, “How do you forget to eat?” But I’m just trying to get them ready and get to work on time. They’re cute. They’re adorable, but they are a handful.   2008-12-31T16:38:43+00:00 http://www.raisingthemright.org/interviews/erica-sullivan/ http://www.raisingthemright.org/interviews/erica-sullivan/ Erica Sullivan, twenty-two, with her son JamesErica My name is Erica Sullivan, I am 22 years old. My son’s name is James Jr. and he’s four. Amanda What was your relationship with James (baby James’ father) when you got pregnant? Erica When I got pregnant, everything was good. Throughout the pregnancy, everything was good until my ninth month when he got locked up and everything went downhill. My due date was June 26th. He got locked up June 4th. At first I saw them take him away and I was just shocked. I just started to loose my mind. So then he was incarcerated. I had to come up with 5,500 to bail him out, and I didn’t come up with that money until after I had my son. So I went through the whole ninth month by myself, the labor, the delivery, all that. And I raised my son by myself for the first three months. Amanda Were you really mad at him? Erica When he first got locked up I was mad. Yeah, I was mad just knowing that I had to do it by myself. But then once my son was born I was like, “I don’t need you. I have my kid.” That was just my focus and all that I worried about was him. Amanda What kinds of things was he being incarcerated for? Erica Um, he caught three cases during my pregnancy. He caught an attempted murder case, a drug case, and a stupid case that got dismissed. Amanda How was it when James wasn’t in jail? Erica When James came out, my son was exactly three months old. I started YouthStar (full time work) October 4th so from October to February he was the one who watched my son. He always bought him stuff when he needed it.  He was a great father. I had no complaints about him except catching cases. I think the most fun part is just seeing everything. Just seeing him grow. Like, when I was young I used to say, I don’t want to have a kid because I don’t want them to grow up I want them to stay a baby. But then seeing him learn how to walk, learn how to crawl, everything like it’s amazing. Amanda Then he went in again? Erica: So he got incarcerated and found guilty on June 30th 2005 which is my son’s first birthday. He went in. He didn’t get released till March 2007 on parole. He came out, things were good. July 2007 so that’s what 5 years we were together, he decided to cheat on me and I kicked him out and we’ve been broken up ever since. Amanda If you could do your life over again would you change the age that you first got pregnant? Erica I don’t think so. Because I’m happy I got it done when I did. I wasn’t too young. Plus when I’m 40 he’s not going to be 10 or something. He’s going to be old enough. So, I think my age to his age is good. Amanda And where do you hope to see yourself in 5 years? Erica I want to finish school, get a better apartment. Get a higher position in my job-making the big bucks. Amanda Are there ways that you are raising James because of your childhood? Erica I used to always get my ass beat when I was younger because I was so bad. But like when he acts up I don’t hit him. I put him in the corner. I put him in bed for the whole night. I try not to yell at him, but I sometimes I notice myself because my mother used to yell at me. It’s something that just pops up, and then I catch myself and I try not to say it again. But sometimes when he does stuff, I just scream. Like breaking my television. Amanda Is it still hard to go to work and doing everything hard? Erica I became Project Supervisor, did that for a year and now I’m the Program Assistant. It’s difficult and stuff. I work 8 to 8 sometimes and it’s really hard but in the end the money’s good so. Sometimes it’s just really hard. It’s hard for me when I have a hard day at work and then I sit back and think is this what I really want? But everybody has their bad days.  Amanda What has been the most fun and most difficult part of being a mom? Erica I think the most fun part is just seeing everything. Just seeing him grow. Like, when I was young I used to say, I don’t want to have a kid because I don’t want them to grow up I want them to stay a baby. But then seeing him learn how to walk, learn how to crawl, everything like it’s amazing. Amanda Anything other thoughts? Erica I don’t have to depend on a man. Like some of these girls they depend on guys. I’m waiting for my son’s father to buy me this or buy me that. I don’t wait for my son’s father to buy me nothing. Obviously I never did because he was in jail.So, it just made me more independent that I don’t have to rely on him for nothing. Struggling is good sometimes. It sometimes sucks though. It’s alright, I can’t complain. I feel like sometimes people judge teen mom’s like “oh they’re just another…” Sometimes I think, “Damn it’s harder because they still aren’t even close to being done,” but if they put their minds to it they can do it. Cause there were many many many times I was like, “I can’t do this. I can’t take this no more,” and I would cry and cry and cry and cry and cry. But then I had to because it’s not for me. It’s for him. And if I just break down and stop, what’s going to happen to him? 2008-12-30T22:06:42+00:00 http://www.raisingthemright.org/interviews/christina-mcfarlane/ http://www.raisingthemright.org/interviews/christina-mcfarlane/ Christina McFarlane, seventeen, with her daughter Mariyah.Christina I’m Christina. I’m seventeen and my daughter’s name is Mariyah and she’s a month. Amanda Where were you living when you found out that you were pregnant? Christina I was in a foster home in Dorchester. Amanda Did you take the pregnancy test alone? Christina It’s a funny story. I had gone to the doctors with my sister and I had a bump on my stomach. I asked the nurse if she thought it was a bug or something. And she said, “No it just looks normal,” but she’s like, “Are you pregnant because your bellybutton is sticking out?” So she gave me a pregnancy test and she was like, “Did you know that that was going to come out positive?” And I was shocked. I didn’t know I was pregnant. Amanda Do you remember how you felt? Christina I was scared because I didn’t know how to be a mother especially because I am a teenager. But, I was happy at the same time. Amanda And did you tell the baby daddy, or no? Christina My sister told him. I didn’t. He was like, “Get rid of it,” because he wasn’t ready to be a father. He was just telling me to get rid of it the whole time. Amanda And did you tell your parents? Christina Yeah. I told my mom. She said she knew already because where we’re from in Jamaica when you have a dream about fishes that means that somebody in your family is having a baby. I’m my mother’s only child so she knew I was having a baby. Amanda Did you tell your foster family? Christina No I moved to a 45 day program in Randolph. You stay there for 45 days and then they find a placement for you. Then I moved to St Mary’s. It’s a shelter for teen mothers that are either pregnant or have kids. They help you, but I don’t really like staying here. Yeah. I told my mom. She said she knew already because where we’re from in Jamaica when you have a dream about fishes that means that somebody in your family is having a baby. I’m my mother’s only child so she knew I was having a baby. Amanda What parts don’t you like? Christina The curfiew, the rules. Amanda What is your daily schedule like now. Christina Sleeping, eating, going to the bathroom, changing her. Yeah, we do different things everyday. I take her out. We like go downtown to the mall. Just go have fun. Amanda What have been the most fun and the most difficult parts of being a mom? Christina Her smiling. I love being a mom. The most difficult parts have been like when she cries and stuff. Amanda Why do you think you love being a mom? Christina Cause it’s something different in life, well for my life now. It gives you a chance to do something that you never did. I just love it. Amanda Do you think she’s changed you? Christina Yeah, she’s a minnie me, so I don’t do the stuff that I used to. Amanda Like what kind of stuff? Christina Like go out all the time, 24/7. Amanda And if you could do your life over again, would you change the age that you first got pregnant? Christina Um, I don’t know. Probably wait till I’m 18, till I finished school probably, cause I’m still in high school. But I’m glad I had her now, so I don’t have to wait till I’m older. Amanda In the future do you want to have more children? and if so, when? Christina I do, but like when I get a career and settle down and have a husband and get married and all that’s over, then I’ll think about having another one. Amanda So where do you see yourself or hope to see yourself in five years? Christina In medical school. Amanda Why do you want to go to medical school? Christina I want to be a pediatrician. I love kids. Even when I was little, I just always loved kids. Amanda Is there anything else? Christina A mom is a mom. It doesn’t matter if you are old, young. Doesn’t matter a mom is a mom. Amanda What do you think makes you a mom besides obviously having a kid? Christina The responsibilities. Yep, everything you do for your child. The way that you love them. Amanda And you think that that’s totally universal? Christina Yeah. It doesn’t matter if you are old, young, middle age. A mom is a mom.   2008-12-30T17:07:10+00:00 http://www.raisingthemright.org/interviews/kendra-castillo/ http://www.raisingthemright.org/interviews/kendra-castillo/ Kendra Castillo, sixteen, six months pregnant. Kendra My name is Kendra Castillo I’m sixteen years old. I’m from Honduras and I have six months of my pregnancy. Amanda What was your relationship with your boyfriend when you got pregnant? Kendra We (had been dating for) 5 months and we were fighting a lot. And then after that we communicate better and I think that’s good. Amanda So when he found out, how do you think he felt? Kendra He felt happy because he wanted that. Amanda What did he say? Kendra That that was wonderful and he asked me how I feel. And when he know that I was sad, he feel bad because he told me that that was what he want and that he would help me. Amanda How did your friends react? Kendra They were so excited that they say, “I want to see the baby.” Like that. They were happy for me. Amanda Do you have friends that already have babies? Kendra I have one friend who has a baby. Her baby is so cute. It’s a girl. She’s so cute. When my dad know that I was pregnant he tell me that he was very angry. He don’t talk to me. He told me a lot of things. He insult me. But I don’t care, I told him. He told me that he doesn’t want to see me anymore or nothing. Amanda So how was being in school while you were pregnant. Do people react to you differently? Kendra When the teacher know that I was pregant, they talk to me. They said that they were happy for me but that I have to do very well. They ask me if I’m going to have… I don’t know what they call it, aborto. And I said no. Amanda Are you against abortion? Kendra I don’t ever want to do it. When my dad know that I was pregnant he tell me that he was very angry. He don’t talk to me. He told me a lot of things. He insult me. But I don’t care, I told him. He told me that he doesn’t want to see me anymore or nothing. Amanda Did he want you to have an abortion? Kendra Mmmhhm. But I told him no because it wasn’t his baby. It’s my baby and I want it. Amanda How about your mom. Kendra She said I have to keep it because it is a baby. He have no culpa and I’d be guilty, and she said it’s better to have a baby. Amanda How has the pregnancy been physically? Kendra Sometimes I feel sick but it’s just a little and I feel good. The doctor said I’m doing great and that the baby is OK. Sometimes I don’t want to eat, but now I’m eating more because the doctor, he told me that that’s good for the baby. Amanda How is your relationship with the baby’s dad now? Kendra Yesterday we was together and it’s great because we are more together and he’s like with me. When I go to the doctor he’s there. It’s great. Amanda When is the date for the baby to be born. Kendra October 21, something like that. Amanda How long do you think you will take off after the baby is born? Kendra I don’t know. I think just a month. Amanda If you could do your life over again, would you change the age that you first got pregnant? Kendra Well I think it could be better, but no. I think it’s OK. It’s not normal but I think it’s good. I think it’s good. I think I’m ready. Amanda What are the parts of being a mom that you are most excited about? Kendra I don’t know. I’m just thinking about seeing my baby and being with him. It’s exciting because I like a lot of babies and it will be mine. 2008-12-16T03:21:30+00:00 http://www.raisingthemright.org/interviews/jennifer-gonzales/ http://www.raisingthemright.org/interviews/jennifer-gonzales/ Jennifer Gonzales, sixteen, eight months pregnant. Jennifer My name is Jennifer Gonzales. I am sixteen and I am eight months pregnant. Amanda How did you feel when you first found out you were pregnant? Jennifer Um, I wasn’t going to tell my mom. I was scared to tell my mom. Amanda That was the first thing you thought? Jennifer Yeah. I didn’t know what she was going to say. Amanda And how did your baby daddy react? Jennifer He was happy that I was having his baby. Amanda How did that make you feel? Jennifer It made me fell a little bit more comfortable. But, I still had to tell my mom. Amanda And how did she react when you told her? Jennifer She was just surprised, but she knew it was bound to happen. My babies father is 21 years old. Um, he supports me a lot in all my decisions. He’s good. He buys the baby stuff a lot now so I know he will be a good father. Amanda Do you want to talk about your babies father? It’s up to you. Jennifer My babies father is 21 years old. Um, he supports me a lot in all my decisions. He’s good. He buys the baby stuff a lot now so I know he will be a good father. Amanda How long had the two of you been together before you found out? Jennifer A year. Amanda How have your friends reacted? Jennifer Everybody was happy because out of all my friends, I was the only one having a boy. Amanda You have other friends who also have children? Jennifer Yes, all my friends have children but two of them. Amanda Are most of your friends your age or older? Jennifer A year or two older. Amanda Where did you grow up and what was your childhood like? Jennifer I grew up in Chelsea and I always have been a babysitter to my mother. I always got everything that I wanted. And then I started getting locked up a lot. Hanging out in the streets. And now the baby is going to change me all around. Amanda What kinds of things would you get locked up for? Jennifer A’s and B’s. Assaults and battery’s on people. Amanda Do you feel like since you have become pregnant it has changed you? Jennifer Yeah, it’s slowed me down a lot. Amanda What are the things that you are most looking forward to and what are the things that you are most nervous about? Jennifer I want to be able to change his diaper, and feed him, and bathe him, and all that. But I’m scared because he’s going to be so little and fragile. 2008-09-07T03:43:34+00:00 http://www.raisingthemright.org/interviews/judy-tatiana-londono/ http://www.raisingthemright.org/interviews/judy-tatiana-londono/ Judy Tatiana Londono, sixteen, with her daughter Yaitza.Tatiana My name is Tatiana. My daughter is almost going to be two. I’m in school in ninth grade. I’m sixteen. I was born in Columbia and then when I was seven I came here. Amanda When did you realize that you were pregnant? Tatiana Like I already knew because I didn’t use a condom. I was like, “I think I’m pregnant,” but you know I just let it pass like nothing happened and everything. And then my mother came to me and was like, “Why haven’t you gotten your period?” and I was like, “Oh, I don’t know?” things happen. “Are you sure you haven’t been with no man?” “No, no I haven’t.” So then the next day she was like, “I’m going to take you to the clinic,” and so we went and yeah I was pregnant. I was fourteen. At first I didn’t want to have it cause my mother told me that if she found out I was pregnant she was gonna kick me out of the house. I was like, “No, no, I can’t have this baby.” But then, you know how when you are pregnant you get curious and you want to know everything? What’s growing inside of you? So in the computer, I started searching. I put abortion and then there were these pictures of abortions and I saw them and I just couldn’t abort anymore. So I decided to have it. You know how when you are pregnant you get curious and you want to know everything? What’s growing inside of you? So in the computer, I started searching. I put abortion and then there were these pictures of abortions and I saw them and I just couldn’t abort anymore. So I decided to have it. Amanda And so your mom knew immediately. What was her reaction? Tatiana I started crying and she said, “Oh don’t cry cause that’s an angel.” She was really sad because I was young. I guess I’m still young, but I was fourteen. She asked me all the questions in the world and then the last question was “who is the daddy?” Amanda What about the baby daddy? Tatiana He told me he planned it. I don’t know. I don’t believe it. I was obviously mad because why would you? I was fourteen. Why would you get me pregnant? Amanda How old was he? Tatiana He was eighteen when I got pregnant. Amanda How did your friends react when you told them you were pregnant? Tatiana Because I was the roll model they couldn’t believe it. But then, as the time went by, they saw my belly growing. For me going to school show that no matter what happens in your life you just never have to give up. I didn’t care, I really didn’t care what they think you know. I was proud of myself. They were very supportive. They always ask me, “What form does the baby now have?” They used to touch my belly and stuff like that. Amanda After you had the baby you came home and who were you living with at the time? What was your home situation? Tatiana My home situation was really good cause it was just my mother and the baby’s daddy. It was like the first time, the first three weeks living with the daddy and the baby and it was a really good experience and a bad experience too because of the baby waking up and I was still in school. She was only one month when I went back to school. I had to wake up earlier than I used to because at that time it was winter and I had to take her to daycare by walking or taking the bus and it was mad cold outside. There was a lot of snow and everything. I used to struggle a lot. Oh man, the first day that I took her to the babysitter I started crying and everything. Amanda How did you learn to become a mom? Tatiana  Being a mom comes naturally after you have a baby. To be sincere. It’s in you. When a baby is in your body, you are a mother, you know.   2008-09-06T20:25:39+00:00 http://www.raisingthemright.org/interviews/desiree-amador/ http://www.raisingthemright.org/interviews/desiree-amador/ Desiree Amador, twenty-three, with her son Marcus.Desiree Hi my name is Desiree Amador and I am twenty-three years old and my son’s name is Marcus Carlo and he is four going to be five. Amanda What was that moment like when you found out you were pregnant? Desiree Well, mines was a bit crazy because I had missed my period a lot of times, not a lot of times, but I missed my period and I didn’t go to the doctors to get myself checked. So when I was about five and a half months pregnant I finally went in. I asked my doctor if I could get a pregnancy test and she just laughed at me and said that I don’t need a pregnancy test. She went and got the prenatal lady and got the machine so you can hear the babies heart beat. Yeah, so that’s how I found out. Amanda For how long do you think you realized that you were pregnant and just weren’t really dealing with it? Desiree Well, for the first month I was like maybe it’s late. And then the second month went by and I was just hoping it was really late. Then the third month I was like, “Maybe I am,” and then I was just in denial I guess—scared and nervous about what I was going to hear. Amanda Do you remember how you felt when she told you that you really were 5 and a half months pregnant? Desiree Damn. I was just like, “Oh my god.” It was just crazy. Some mixed feelings I guess. When I was about five and a half months pregnant I finally went in. I asked my doctor if I could get a pregnancy test and she just laughed at me and said that I don’t need a pregnancy test. She went and got the prenatal lady and got the machine so you can hear the babies heart beat. Yeah, so that’s how I found out. Amanda And do you remember the first moment you held Marcus? Desiree Yeah, I just felt, I couldn’t really believe. I knew he was mines, but it’s still just a shock—like he’s really my kid and stuff. It’s a pretty cool feeling. Amanda How were the first few months with him? Desiree Well, my mom had quit her morning job so I could keep going to school. So I was going to school and she would stay with the baby. So I was living with my mom but on the weekends I would stay at his (her boyfriend Marcus’) family’s house. So we were kind of living in both you could say. Amanda So how involved was Marcus in helping out? Desiree Yeah, he was involved. Amanda Did your relationship change? How is it now? Desiree Well, He’s a good dad. It actually didn’t change during my pregnancy. Everything was fine and now everything is Ok, I guess. He’s a good Dad. He takes him out and stuff. Yeah, he’s a good Dad. Yeah, we’re um fine. We’re just hanging in there I guess. He’s living with me. Amanda Can you describe little Marcus today? Desiree He is funny. He is crazy. He says too much stuff and um yeah he’s a happy kid. But when he gets mad he hates the world sometimes. Amanda If you could do your life over again would you change the age at which you first got pregnant? Desiree Yeah, I definitely would have wanted him when I was older but um I’m actually happy with where I’m at right now. I’m happy with everything. Everything has been going really well. I have family support too and stuff. So it’s pretty cool. I don’t regret a moment of it. other one,” but then I think, “Hmm, maybe not.” Like, am I really ready for it. I don’t know. Amanda And where do you see yourself in five years? Desiree I’m going to be at Harvard University. (laughs.) No um, hopefully at a good stable job. Happy. I don’t know where I want to be in five years. In five years so much can happen. I just hope I’m in a good stable job, have my car and just be happy. I just live. 2008-09-06T19:44:55+00:00 http://www.raisingthemright.org/interviews/roxannie-dejesus/ http://www.raisingthemright.org/interviews/roxannie-dejesus/ Roxannie DeJesus, twenty, with her daughter Naisha. Roxannie So, my name is Roxannie and I’m twenty years old now. My daughter is four. I had her when I was fifteen. Her name is Naisha. Naisha is from El Salvador and Peurto Rico. I’m from Peurto Rico. Her dad is El Salvadorian. Amanda Did any part of you want to get pregnant? Roxannie It was a surprise, but I can’t say that we didn’t know that something like that could happen because we weren’t using protection on either side, and we lived in the same house, and we slept in the same bed. So, we weren’t all that surprised. I was just overwhelmed by the news. Amanda Do you remember when you first held Naisha? Roxannie When I woke up (from the C-Section) what I saw was Alex changing her diaper and I was like, “Oh that’s my daughter, that’s my baby.” Just immediately you have this bond, like she’s not there no more. I’m not talking to the belly no more or trying to bother her. I used to poke my stomach just for her to hit back or something, and this time I was like touching her and it was nice. Amanda How were the first few months with Naisha? Roxannie It just felt natural. The doctors were surprised cause like I was only fifteen, but I didn’t ask the nurses for any help. Like I knew what I was doing it was something natural. That’s how I felt. Just immediately you have this bond, like she’s not there no more. I’m not talking to the belly no more or trying to bother her. I used to poke my stomach just for her to hit back or something, and this time I was like touching her and it was nice. Amanda What is your relationship with Alex like now? Roxannie I can’t say it’s a good relationship because really it’s not. Before, Alex used to hang out with Naisha because I was always pushing it like, “Hey, you gonna come pick up Naisha? Hey do you want to have her in the afternoon?” and I would go drop her off. I stopped doing that about like a year ago, because I wasn’t feeling me being after him all the time. I don’t have anything against him you know. I treat him with respect. It’s not a “Hi, how are you doing?” It’s just a simple “Hi. Ok, you’re taking her. Ok, what time are you going to bring her back? She needs to eat. Make sure that she’s covered.” Like that’s all. Amanda Do you want to have more children? Roxannie Eh, well I had her when I was fifteen. I’m only twenty. I’m just about to finish my GED. I like what I’m doing. I want to travel with Naisha. I want to go to Africa and Europe with her. South America, and have this road trip in the States. Now that I’m on my own, I don’t know. Not having that other someone there, the father there for her, it’s a lot harder for me.  I don’t think I want to go through this again. I want to adopt orphans. So maybe I’ll just adopt orphans after I turn 25 or after I turn 30, and just you know give my love to other kids instead of having more kids. Who knows. 2008-09-04T03:36:37+00:00 http://www.raisingthemright.org/interviews/sindy-vasquez/ http://www.raisingthemright.org/interviews/sindy-vasquez/ Sindy Vasquez, nineteen, with her son Rey. Sindy My name is Sindy and I have a two year old son whose name is Rey. I’m nineteen. Amanda Did you want to get pregnant? Sindy No, well what I wanted to do was just finish my education, get a nice job and then have kids. Get married. But I knew that’s really hard these days. Yeah, have my life straight. You know, be independent, have a nice job, and then have kids. Amanda So when you found out you were pregnant were you very upset? Sindy In a way I was. In a way I wasn’t. In a way I was, because I was like, “Damn I’m only 17 and my babies father—he’s mad irresponsible.” But then I was kind of happy. I was like, “I’m having a baby. It looks fun.” I thought it was going to be fun, but then I started noticing after I had him that it’s a lot of responsibilities, and it’s expensive, so but yeah. I had doubts of having him, but I kept him. I don’t want to have kids no more because of that. I was in pain for like 12 hours and then they were just telling me to bounce on the ball as if that was going to help. Take a bath. Ok, walk around. So it was really painful and I was telling them to cut me. Do a C-Section cause I couldn’t take it no more. And then, he came out. After one and a half hours of pushing. Amanda What was your relationship with your baby daddy when you got pregnant and how did he react? Sindy At first he was like, “Oh we just gotta find a job and do this and that.” But then, after a little bit he started, “Um, Oh you need to get an abortion.” So then he broke up with me. Through my whole pregnancy I was by myself. He wasn’t around. It was like a nightmare for me being pregnant cause my baby’s father put me through a lot. It wasn’t that good. Amanda Can you describe you baby’s birth? Sindy I don’t want to have kids no more because of that. I was in pain for like 12 hours and then they were just telling me to bounce on the ball as if that was going to help. Take a bath. Ok, walk around. So it was really painful and I was telling them to cut me. Do a C-Section cause I couldn’t take it no more. And then, he came out. Amanda Do you remember the first moment that you saw Rey? Sindy I saw him and I was like, “Oh he’s so ugly! He’s got a cone head.” But he was cute. He looked nasty cause he got all that blood and nasty on him. Amanda How were the fist few months with him? Sindy I was staying with his grandmother from his dad’s side. His dad’s mother. At first it was good because everybody was like, “Oh, a baby!” But then they got tired of use. . It was ok. We got kicked out. So I went to a shelter. He was about six months. It was just me and the baby. It was crazy, like it was ok. But then my baby’s father convinced me to move to New York so then we moved to New York to be with him. Supposedly over there we were going to have everything that we needed like his Grandfather’s house. We could stay at his Grandfather’s house, go to school and work, but it didn’t work out the way we planned it to. So we came back. I thought he was going to change. He said, “I promise I’ll change. I’ll never play you cause I love my son, cause I want us to be a happy family.” So we moved to New York. At the fourth month he started to do the same thing. He found this girl—they were hogging. And then I found out and so we started having problems again. And plus, I didn’t know nobody and like his family, I felt kindof uncomfortable because I didn’t know them like that. It was just 3 people in a big big mini mansion and I felt like I didn’t belong here. So now we’re back and then actually I’m doing good. I’m staying with my mom from like moving everywhere. You name it I’ve probably been there. But, I’m staying with my mom’s and I’m gonna start this new school there. I’m going to get my GED plus I’m going be certified for medical assistant in seven months. So. I’ll be doing good, And I’m doing good right now. 2008-09-03T17:32:48+00:00 http://www.raisingthemright.org/interviews/damaris-nevarez/ http://www.raisingthemright.org/interviews/damaris-nevarez/ Damaris Nevarez, nineteen and seven months pregnant. Damaris My name is Damaris Nevarez. I am nineteen years old. I’m from Puerto Rico. I am seven months pregnant. Ok, I’m going to talk about the first time I got pregnant and why. Ok, the reason why I even tried to check if I was pregnant was because I missed my period for a whole month. It wasn’t there. I got a urinary infection with that. My mom said to me, “You’re pregnant.” I said, “No I’m not,” and she said, “Yes you are.” The first time she got pregnant with my brother she got a urinary infection too. So then I was like, “Ok let me just find out.” So the next day I was working so my boyfriend came into work with me. When I had my break, he went to John’s pizza to get us something to eat and I went to the store, Compare. I bought a pregnancy test. He was waiting for me at John’s pizza. We ate. We were kind of quiet and we were just nervous. I was like, “Don’t worry we’re not pregnant. We’re just not.” And we went back to my work. I went straight to the bathroom. I didn’t really wait and it came back negative. It was like a relief for him, you know. Then it came out positive. I let it sit, wait a little bit, and it came out positive. And of course, I was really happy and he was too, but we were nervous cause we knew our life was going to change, and I didn’t know how other people were going to take it. I don’t really care about what other people say or my family, but they actually took it really really good. I didn’t really wait and it came back negative. It was like a relief for him, you know. Then it came out positive. I let it sit, wait a little bit, and it came out positive. And of course, I was really happy and he was too, but we were nervous cause we knew our life was going to change, and I didn’t know how other people were going to take it. Amanda How so? Damaris My mom was happy. My sister was excited too. Everyone was excited. This is the first time his family is going to be grandparents and aunts and uncles. They were really excited too. So the first person I told was him, and then he called his brother and told his brother that he was going to become an uncle. It was a good day. It wasn’t bad, but it was hard to keep the secret. I wanted to keep it a secret, but I couldn’t. I wanted to tell everyone. I was really excited. I was so happy. I couldn’t believe I was pregnant. I felt kind of good because I thought at least I’d beaten both my sisters because my first sister got pregnant when she was fourteen and the other one got pregnant when she was eighteen. I was nineteen when I got pregnant. Amanda How do you feel at seven months pregnant? Damaris I feel very well actually. I believe the baby has been very very good. She has never bothered me at all. Throughout my whole pregnancy I haven’t even puked. I eat a lot of food. I used to eat a lot before but not I eat a bit more. It’s been great. Even now at 7 months, it still feels great. I feel a bit bigger. It’s a little bit harder for me to move around the bed and to get up from the bed. To bend down. If I want to bend it’s a little hard. I have to squat. Is that how you say it? Squat? The stairs, I used to go up like twelve stairs like it was nothing. But, now it’s as if I did two miles just getting up those stairs. 2008-09-02T19:47:15+00:00